An Italian City Buried in Trash

Yahoo News- Did you ever want to know what 2,400 tons of trash looks like? Well, wonder no more! A garbage strike in Italy has led to public protests, intense finger-pointing, and a whole heckuva lot of trash piling up in the streets of Naples.

So, what's the problem? City trash wasn't being collected because of public outrage over a proposed city dump. The trash piled up, and then protesters just started adding to it, dumping their refuse in the streets. Now the European Union is threatening to slap sanctions on Italy if it doesn't clean up the mess.

Sometimes the jokes for a blog are just too easy. An Italian city covered in trash? No! You don't say!! Is there any relation to why Jersey, Long Island and Staten Island are having garbage problems, too?

In case you needed another reason to hate LeBron part III

Really with this? How are this guy's PR people so dumb? THIS is what you respond to everything with? This dude just made god knows how much for this commercial and he wants us to think he's an angel for the time he gave the money to charity when he HELD AN HOUR LONG ESPN SPECIAL ABOUT HIMSELF. No bro. No. I'm not going to do that. I'm going to think about how much of a dick you are for now actually making more money on what everyone already hates you for. Guess what dude? I hate you more now! And I hated you a LOT before I saw this!

Oh and enough with the sob stories about people being mean to you on twitter. I didn't pay much attention to any of these but saw enough headlines to want to puke. You make more money than god dude. I do not feel bad for you. Buy thicker skin or something.

Moral of the story is just shut up and win some basketball games and everyone forgets about this. But you have to remember the first part.

(Seriously though throw me like $50k a year, a couple pairs of kicks and maybe a night or two a year with your mom and I will happily make these decisions for you. Your personal brand value will shoot through the roof. Trust me I'm a professional.)

Oh yeah PS - I can't wait to see the Celts murk this clown tomorrow night.

UMMMM......no

Wikipedia - "Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo." is a grammatically valid sentence in the English language, used as an example of how homonyms and homophones can be used to create complicated linguistic constructs. It has been discussed in literature since 1972 when the sentence was used by William J. Rapaport, an associate professor at the University at Buffalo. It was posted to Linguist List by Rapaport in 1992. It was also featured in Steven Pinker's 1994 book The Language Instinct.

What what what what what what what what? Turns out when Special Ed stumbles home from McFaddens every Sunday he's actually speaking in complete sentences? Well when he is able to form more than basic sounds, that is.

Umm you have got to be fucking kidding me with this one. I don't give a shit about William J. Rapaport or Steven Pinker. With all due respect sirs, I am the grammar expert on this blog and, quite frankly, on much of the internet. And this is not going to fly on my watch. Leave it to some dude from Buffalo to say that this is a grammatically correct sentence. Have you ever met anyone from Buffalo? Literally 1 in every 3 words they say is Buffalo. Not even an exaggeration. "Bills this, Niagara Falls that, Sabres, beer, wings, Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo." That is how most of my "conversations" with these degenerates go. So I think it's pretty easy to see that in 24 words, Buffalo could come up 8 times in a row at one point or another. What is NOT easy to see, my friends, is that this then makes a complete sentence.

And you can take all your fancy little charts and stick 'em where the sun don't shine. I can draw pictures too. Just no colors.

Hillbilly Pinata Party

Pinata Headshot - Watch more Funny Videos

I mean this was obviously 100% intentional. If you wanna call out a hillbilly for cheating at pinatas then tie a blindfold on his head or expect to be hit upside the dome piece with a broomstick. It's rule #1 in the handbook. So don't come crying to me with the mild concussion you just received, I'm not impressed.

BTDubbs, that is the most pathetic looking pinata I have ever seen. Really? A smiley face? That's what you got for me? Even the peasents in Mexico are laughing at you with that bull.

God Hates Buffalo

Which one of these things is not like the other one? Which one of these things is not the same? Ryan Fitzpatrick is the number two rated quarterback in the NFL? How on earth is this possible? Yeah I know, Fitzy put up big numbers yesterday in another heartbreaking loss to the Ravens, going 29-43 for 374 and 4 touchdowns, but I am actually supposed to believe the only quarterback in the league that is better than our Harvard Boy is Peyton Manning? And worse, what if Chan Gailey and the Front Office actually start believing it? The Bills are finally bad enough to draft a franchise quarterback and maybe start turning this team around, and GD Ryan Fitzpatrick is ruining it!

It doesn't help that our defense can't stop a nose bleed. We just let up 30 points or more for the fifth straight game (and for the first time in our not so storied 50 year history) and are ranked dead last against at stopping the run. If you look at those stats, its hard to say that what's going to right the ship is a new quarterback. Ryan Mallet or Andrew Luck are not going to be tackling many running backs. Oh yeah, and Buffalo is now the only team in the league who hasn't won a game. Perfect.

PS- The Bills were up 17-3 and 24-10, but at no point did I actually think we were going to win that game yesterday. That game had heartbreaking loss written all over it. So of course we rallied back from down 10 to tie the game late in the fourth. And of course Ray Lewis strips Shawn Nelson and the Ravens rip our hearts out in overtime like it was Old Spice . I would have been MUCH more shocked if that didn't happen. I've seen that movie too many times.

PPS- I love the Old Spice commercials with Ray Lewis. I don't play Fantast Football! I play For Real Football! If I still had enough friends to play football with on the weekends, this would undoubtably be my go to trash talking line.

Mom Elephant Kicks Baby Elephant

Mom Kicks Baby Elephant - Watch more Funny Videos

Baby Dumbo can play on my team, anyday. Took that shot like a champion and stood right back up like it ain't no thang. And elephants never forget. So when Babar here grows up, its straight to the County Infirmary for Mamma Elephant. No way he's taking care of that bitch in her old age. Oh you don't like how Ben Stiller from Happy Gilmore is treating you? Shouldn't have kicked my ass off that hill when I was 3.

Governor Candidate Accuses Opponent of Giving Boners

Governor Candidate Accuses Opponent Of Giving Boners - Watch more Funny Videos

Well, the facts are the facts. I mean Susana didn't even flinch when she got called out for taking money from Border Security Funds and giving big fat boners. Just kept looking down at her notes like "Yup, I knew re-elections were coming up. I gave all those big fat boners and I'm proud of it!"

But here's the thing though Diane, you're going to lose this election and it has nothing to do with Susana giving out boners or that Arizona is a red state and wouldn't vote for your liberal hippie democrat ass anyway. Nope, see any true politician would promised to finish of those big fat boners that the incumbent didn't see through to the end. It's Politicking 1.0 to take care of voters blue balls and if you can't manage this, then I don't want to see how you would handle a real issue.

Hey, Do You Have 34 Spare Minutes to Watch a Music Video???

Ummm so there are 2072 seconds in Kanye's new full length film Runaway and I'm not sure I understood a single one of them. Quick recap for those of you don't have time to watch the whole thing, some kind of hot bird falls from the sky and Kanye tells her not to believe anything she hears on the news. He keeps a sheep, a deer and some turkeys in his back yard. Then he takes her to a place where there is a marching band, a float of Michael Jackson and a bunch of Klan members. Cut to a scene where she can't pick up a tea cup, okay now to a dinner party where an entire table of like 50 black people are being served by white people. Somebody points out that he is dating a bird so he walks away dejected and starts playing the piano. Then a bunch of ballerinas come into the picture, one of which looks like Steffi Graf. Kanye dances awkwardly on top of the piano as he watches the ballerinas. Then they bring out the main course to the dinner party and its a turkey and the bird lady freaks out. Now back to the sheep and the deer. Then the bird lady asks where statues come from, and she tells Kanye that they are phoenix turned to stone, and that if she doesn't burn she'll turn to stone. Kanye tells her that he'll never let her burn. Kanye wakes up and the sexy bird lady is gone, so he starts running. Now she's flying, it looks ridiculous and now she has a gold breast plate on. She shoots up into the sky in flames..... And that's it. This is actually what happens. There isn't anything else to explain what the hell I just watched.

In conclusion, Selita Ebanks, holla atcha boy! I'm not exactly sure how the whole bird-human combo thing works, especially since it appears you may not have a vagina. But they invented blowies for a reason, I'm sure we can work something out. And if you fall from the sky and I find you, I'll at least hook you up with some threads and some nail trimmers before taking you to a dinner party. And we never have to eat turkey. We can just go down to the pizza store below our new apartment and smash slices every meal. It wouldn't be that hard for me as Little Roma's has made just about all the food I've had for the last 3 weeks. Just doing my part to keep a roof over my boy Jose's head at night, because the pizza isn't all that great.

PS- Pattyshack and JSmiles, czech it out. The whole thing was shot in Prague.

Who the Hell is Taylor Momsen?

I'm not even playing dumb here, I honestly had no idea who this chick was when I started this video and had to ask my roommates. My boy, Mr. Right just nonchalantly responds, "Oh, isn't she that girl from Gossip Girl who is in that punk band and is tired of sex already?" I didn't think much of it as I'm watching the little goth girl in the fishnets singing about how something makes her want to die when HOLY SOCKS she just pulled down her top and showed off the milk-makers in front of a live audience...

Okay, so now she had my undivided attention and I had to pull up some research on her. Oh, she was Cindy Lou Who in the Grinch Who Stole Christmas, that's nice. She was in Spy Kids 2, yup theres Gossip Girl, her band is called The Pretty Reckless, I get it.... Wait a minute, SWEET BABY JESUS she was born in 1993! Quick! X out of the tab where theres the pic of her with only black tape over her nipples (you would click on that, pervert).

Do I Even Have to Say it?

Female Police Officer Hit By Semi - Watch more Funny Videos

First of all, rest in peace Mrs. Officer, the angels callin' ya and the sunrise be for ya. But quick question, don't you have to apply for a separate liscense to be able to drive a motorcycle? I'm like 97% sure you do. I still consider it a minor miracle every time a girl passes the regular road test, well, because they have to parallel park and make left hand turns and all. So, I feel like it should just be a Federal law that chicks should not be allowed on motorcycles. I mean this woman drove directly into an oncoming semi, so I think it's safe to say that it's in the public's best interest to keep women on at least four wheels for a while.

So What Were You Doing When You Were 9?

This is Willow Smith, Will Smith's 9 year old daughter. And to answer the question, at 9 years old, I was 109 pounds and easily the fattest kid on the 12 year old Williamsville Air Force football team. I was the last one to finish laps around the field and got the wind knocked out of me 105 times throughout the season. I was certainly not producing hot fire singles and music videos, thats for damn sure. But I also sang like the chipmunk sounding voice in an Akon song, so there you have it.

Update: I also did not dress like this, unfortunately.

Need to Lose Weight? Try Breast Feeding!!!

How in the world is this not a SNL commercial? It just seems right in the wheel house of Oops I Crapped My Pants. But 500 calories a day? For real? Sign me the F up! Do you know how much I hate running? How many questions can I ask in one blog??? But seriously, if I could trade in 2 hours of aerobic exercising for having a child suck on my nips, I would do it so fast it'd give you whiplash and turn your insides out. Unbelievable, girls have it so easy.

Work it J-Lo!!!

So I've taken a lot of shit over the past couple years for not being an ass-man (I'm looking directly into your soul Jsmiles). But this is exactly why I'll take small athletic looking girls a thousand out of a thousand times over a girl with a big ass. The ass don't last my friends. Sure it might be fun to smush it now, but you find yourself a girl with an apple bottom bum and I'll show you a girl that is going to cripple your dick with her cellulite by the time she's in her late 30's. I think thatt's Newton's fourth law of gravity or something.

Kick Ball! It's Goin' the Other Way!

One-handed ally-oop at University of Buffalo @ Yahoo! Video

And the 3 people at Alumni Arena go WILD!!! So on the dl, I used to take all my math classes at University at Buffalo from 6th grade to 11th grade. I was a HUGE dork. God, I need an iPhone or some bull to show you what my UB ID card looks like. Picture a 11 year old Drew Carey before he was on the Price is Right. And praise Jesus for that. Have you seen that cat lately? He is my motivation to not diet and exercise. I'd much rather stay jolly, fat and happy than look like him aka like I was touched by death.

But Where was the Marching Band?

Amazing, crazy end to football game @ Yahoo! Video

Alright, I'm a little impartial to kickoffs returned for touchdowns that are a little bit controversial (You know, because of the whole Frank Wycheck forward lateral during the Touchdown Throwback in Music City Miracle thing), but that kid was CERTAINLY down with about a minute left in the video. I mean he was more down than Jay Sean ft. Lil Wayne.

If I was on the black team, well first of all I make one of those freakin' tackle while the play is going on, but I also would tackle the shit out of the kid who starts climbing on the goal post after the play. That has got to be the first time a player, not a fan, has tried to pull down the goal post.... while his team was still losing.

And...

Boulder Smash Nut Shot - Watch more Funny Videos

That's how Darwinism works.

This Horse is Amazing

Shut up woman! Get on my horse!

Four Lions US Trailer

Alright, so this British director Chris Morris' first feature length film, Four Lions, that apparently tore up the Sundance Festival and got all sorts of rave reviews. It's been picked up and going on a limited US theatrical run on November 5th... blah, blah, blah I'm gonna just come out in say it, this trailer is not funny.

I mean the concept of a Jihad comedy and making light of the whole terrorism thing sounds hilarious in concept, but I'm pretty sure the South Park guys covered that years ago with Team America. You take the concept away from this move, and isn't this just another slap stick comedy with blowing up birds and shooting bazookas backwards? I'll never understand critics of any kind. And living with a girl who thinks she's a food critic? THERE IS NOTHING WORSE. The rosemary flavor accentuates the crunchiness of the crust! No it doesn't. Shut up and eat your pizza.

But back to the point, I gotta write a movie one of these days and get paid for my knee-slapping writing skills. There is no way my movie wouldn't be better than 90% of the crap out there. I mean I'm pretty sure the writers of I Love You, Beth Cooper, Megan's Body and Robin Hood all have toilet seats of gold and baby grand pianos that play themselves. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here spittin' hot fire and whoring myself out for free and I don't even have a Yakbak.

You Know What Makes No Sense?

Pole Dancing. That's what. How the fuck do girls do that shit? I'm not in horrible shape, but I think I could maybe hold myself up on a pole for about .4 seconds. Real talk. Then this broad has the nerve to wave that ninja sword around and throw it up and catch it and shit? Honey, I just watched hold yourself up on a pole with your pinkie, I realize you could beat the shit out of me without the weapons. No need to prove you could slice me up too. I get it.

Ps- Marry me.

Oh You Fancy, Huh?

Wait, Hockey started? Who knew? How is this guy not in the NHL? Oh, because you don't use the toe of your stick to play hockey? I guess that makes sense...

PS- You can put the goalie on suicide watch along with all the Reds fans out there. That is about as embarrassing as it gets. I had about a 8.55 Goals Against Average in floor hockey intramurals, and I most definitely stop that shot.

Byron Scott is a Skinhead

Uh, Byron? Are you for serious with this tie? I'm not quite sure you are what Hitler had in mind when he came up with his whole Aryan Race thing. If I'm Omri Casspi I'm dropping 50 on the Cavs when I play them (He's the first NBA player from Israel, in case you didn't know).

I got a belly full of white dog crap and now you dump THIS shit on me?

(Yep, it's over.)

Ok first things first. This one isn't about Audrina. You're probably going to wish it was by the time I'm done.

Well this day got off to a smashing start. Hmm let's see. Wake up in my new cave of a room and check to see if it's 3 am, 730 am or 2 pm (it was 730) - check. Take a shower and get dressed - check. Make my ham and cheese sangwich - check. Check ESPN.com and BOOM hey guess what? Your favorite player on your favorite team just got traded! And guess what you got in return for him? (This is a fun game) A 3rd round draft pick. Awesome!!!!!!!! NO FUCKING CHECK!

Don't really know where to begin with this one. It's really not what I needed to start my Wednesday morning at this specific point in my life. Just body blow after body blow. Really just waiting for the knockout at this point.

Apparently Randy was becoming a bit of a clubhouse cancer over his whole contract situation. And we likely weren't going to sign him next year. Well let's play the game again - guess what? I don't give a shit! I tried explaining this to a friend today but it was a girl so she probably didn't really understand. I would take 12 games of an unhappy Randy Moss (after starting the season 3-1) and nothing next year EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK over losing him for the rest of the year but getting a 3rd round pick for next year. I guess you just have to say "oh it's all part of Belichick's plan" but motherfucker when does that start to get old? I mean call me crazy but I'm pretty sure Brandon Tate is not Randy Moss. Yes he's fast as shit but can he do this?

I think not. I'll miss ya bro. I'll be the one at the bar in the Straight Cash Homie shirt, pourin one out.

I Guess That Was a Good First Playoff Game

Well, I guess not so much for the Cincinnati Reds. Doc Halladay more or less wasted 12 years of his prime pitching in the duldrums of Toronto (Yeah, yeah, Buffalo is really close to Canada. Tell me one I haven't heard) and you gotta feel good for the guy. But the Reds haven't been in the playoffs since 1995. If your a fan of a team that hasn't been to the playoffs in 15 years, and then they become the first team not to record a hit in a playoff game since Don Larson threw a no-hitter in the 1956 World Series, I think you either have to kill yourself or just stop being a fan of that team right then and there.

The Bills haven't made the playoffs since '99, and if they come out in their next playoff game (God willing we have one) and record 0 yards or some bull, I'll probably either kill myself or just start being a big Sabres fan. Seriously, the Bills and football were my first love before my first love and I would drop them like the bad habit they are. Next shot you take, make it out to the Cincinnati Reds fans out there. Gotta be a tough night.

Well Greg Oden Has At Least One Thing on Amare

So Amare Stoudemire is in ESPN's yearly The Body Issue blah blah blah blah HOLY SHIT he has a small dick for a 6'11" black man. No homo. No racist either. That's gotta be a tuck job right? Because there's no way that's anatomically correct. For his sake I hope it's a tucker. If not he can always invest package enhancing boxers. Shits are like the wonderbras for men.

Btw, I would still trade my life for Amare's even if his hang down doesn't hang down very far. The guy gets paid $100 mil  to play basketball in New York. And he definitely still pulls better tail than me. Well, pulling any tail would be pulling more than me these days.

Peace Beastmode

Even if he is a Seahawk, this is always going to be my favorite youtube video

I hope Marshawn loves the ambiance and the decor in Seattle. I always liked the dude. He was funny as hell, ran over Canadians and a whole bunch of defenders. But that certainly turned out to be Marshawn's downfall, that he'd rather run through a defender than run where the play was designed to go. It's been a joke for the last two or so years that he couldn't hit the right hole if a girl put him in it herself. Hope we see more of C.J. Biller now.

But without further ado, more of my favorite Marshawn videos.

I'm lookin' like a black Brett Favre


Tom Bardy, you think that dude gets hyphy?
WHAT? YEEEEAH!! You don't see the way he play? He Hyphy all the way!

I Feelya Dawg

Dog Vs Bride - Watch more Funny Videos

For those of you who know me well enough, you know where I'm going with this post. My blackout move is to piss somewhere that is not a toilet. I've pissed in the corner of a hotel room while my girlfriend at the time tried to keep my pants up, in a dryer that had my RA's clothes in it, I've gotten out of bed, turned around and pissed on my bed (don't worry I went to the bathroom to wash my hands off after that one), I've pissed in the kitchen of our vacation house for spring break in Jamaica, on my desk on the last day of college as my Mom was trying to wake me up to go to work, and several times on the bathroom floor. So clearly this dog just spent a little too much time at the open bar and thought the bitch in white was a birch tree or something.

I'd Like to See the Camera After This Picture

Alright this pic has been all over the place today, and yes, the ball goes right into the camera. But check the guy with the cigar on the right... That guy has to be related to Gy, right?

Rachel Bilson is My #2

And if it were not a rule that I have to have a blonde as my #1, she would probably dethrone Carrie Underwood. Can you believe I used to think Mischa Barton was better looking when The OC came out? I mean have you seen Mischa lately? Way too ugly to be posted here. I need to go back to the Summer of '03 and convince my 16 year old dick that Rachel Bilson was the way to go. I feel like it really might have changed the course of my life. Like if I grew up a brunette guy, who knows, maybe I grow up to be a professional football player or an astronaut or at least some kind of job.

Sorry about the stacked pics, I don't know how to move pics around on the new formatting shit they got on here... But all of these made me weak in the knees and strong in, well, other places