Alright, I'm not going to sit here and bullshit you that I'm a huge reality show fan like Pattyshack is. I don't take my talents down to South Beach anytime The Hills or Keeping Up with the Kardashians comes on. For the most part, I'm a casual observer, with some notable exceptions like the Jersey Shore.
That being said, The Real World New Orleans is gotta have it TV. Seriously, it's like crack laced with heroine. For the first time in a long while, MTV actually cast some people who didn't completely suck as human beings. And someone must have reminded them that if they sprinkled in a Smokeshow or two the show becomes infinitely more watchable. For those of you clowns that missed the first couple episodes, I'm gonna do you a "favor" and breakdown each character in the house. If you start watching the show and can't function normally in society afterwards, I gave you fair warning.
We'll start with kind of a layup, Sahar. Unbelievably cute girl who I would like a million times more if she didn't sound like someone just kicked her in the face and collapsed her nasal passages. Just kinda ruins her for me. Besides that she has some kind of ambiguous long distance boyfriend and constantly teases my man Eric's dick. I am about 74% certain that they'll get together by the end of the season, so keep an eye out for that.
Another pretty standard pick for MTV. Preston is a lanky, black 22 year old who gets with mad dudes. Completely exemplifies what I have always handed to gay dudes, and that is that gay dudes get down. Often. And it makes sense because like 97% of guys are trying to bone at any given time as opposed to like 3% of girls. It just increases your odds if you're into that kind of thing. Anyway Preston is the man because he keeps calling out Ryan for being at least questionable in sexuality to his face, which is okay because....
...Ryan is the ABSOLUTE WORST. I'm not sure if I have ever disliked anybody more and that includes Hitler and Satan. He is a drama queen hair dresser, who is constantly picking fights with Preston and calling him a very offensive f word, and its not frugal. He also likes to put a lot of things in his ass for a guy who likes women (Knight's pillows and Preston's cigarette... don't worry though, Preston pissed on his toothbrush). If attention is not on Ryan then he is inventing injuries and making someone take him to the hospital or lying in bed blow drying his body. There is absolutely no way Ryan lasts the entire season. NONE. My hope is that somebody sets him on fire. 
Ah, McKenzie, where to begin. Well if you have ever met me in your entire life, and you took one look at McKenzie you know exactly what I'm going to say next. McKenzie is a nice slow breaking ball that doesn't break, right in my wheelhouse. It was love at first sight with me and McKenzie, even before she started talking about how she loves to hook up and often blacks out. Unfortunately, Mckenzie has not been much of a character so far and I'm a little worried she lacks personality. But only a little worried.
Knight is easily the best character on the show. It's not even close. If you watch and Knight isn't your favorite character then I don't know you, never have and have no interest in ever meeting you, because you are an idiot and dead to me. He is a 23 year old recovering pain-killer addict from Wisconsin who is pure comedic gold, both intentionally and unintentionally. From his telling Jemmye that he was gonna give her the best two pumps of her life when he becomes her first white boy, to calling Ryan out for being a pussy for faking his shoulder injury, to responding to big thang's nudemail to Preston that he had a bigger cock and the whole house was now going to him little thang, everything the kid does makes me want to be best friends with him. 
You can't tell at all in the picture, but Jemmye is an absolute butterface. Like her body is unreal. Makes no sense at all. On a sidenote, she seems like a real sweetheart of a girl. Unfortunately for her, it seems like she has fallen for Knight and the feelings are less than mutual. Which only goes to completely disproves the whole once you go black you never go back theory (In case you weren't paying attention, Knight was Jemmye's first white boy). 
Eric is the black Sam Rennebohm. I am truely sorry for any of you who have not met Saint Sam, your lives just are not as good as those of us who have. But much like Sam, Eric is the oldest in the group, is the cooler head that prevails when anyone in the house starts fighting and has strikingly blue eyes. Also, Eric fell for the ethnic looking girl in the house, and is getting his heart ripped out by her. There is no way that Eric does not go to seminary school and punt basketballs. 
Other than being a D1 basketball player and owning a pair of lips that prompted our female roommate to ask Pattyshack and me "Are those DSL's?" there really isn't much to say about Ashlee. Just a complete non-factor in the show so far with not much promise for the future.
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