10 things that I learned From Watching the Hills

Pattyshack and I took the day off from work today after going to the NFL Draft last night (More to come with that later). And to his good fortune, there was a The Hills Marathon on MTV all day. In case you have been living on another planet and are completely unaware, Patty seriously eats this shit up. The Kid's life goal is to meet Audrina. Regardless, I was subjected to several hours of Lauren Conrad (who I am now in love with), Heidi, Spencer and the rest of the Hills crew, and to be honest it was an educational experience. These are the 10 things that I learned over the past few hours

1. Heidi loves cutting class. It's something she loves. Priceless quote. Instantly added it to the vernacular. You can change out cutting class for just about anything and it still works like money. I love happy hour. It's something I love. Genius.

2. Love is not a maybe thing. You either love someone or you don't. There is no middle gorund. Heidi didn't love the first tool she dated (sorry can't remember his name), so she dumped him. No worries Lauren, I am certain I love you.

3. Life in hollywood is SO good. Not really a whole lot to explain here. Plus Lauren said it, so it must be true.

4. The best thing about Jason was you. Truely touching complement from Heidi to Lauren after she broke up with Jason. Just forewarning you ladies, if your boyfriend ever dumps you, I am certaily using this line on you, and yes I am trying to get with you. I am 100% that guy.

5. Some people in LA are coo coo. Spencer actually did the whistling noise + pointing at his head and spinning his finger around + rolling his eyes thing. Just seemed like a good thing to know if I ever make it to the City of Angels.

6. You cant come to my birthday party! This is a truely effective way to get a girl pissed at you. just tell them they aren't invited to your birthday party and they go fucking nuts. Worked in kindergarten, guess it still applies in the real world.

7. Spencer is the ultimate cheese. It's true. The dude sucks.

8. If you get corny on me, I'll beat you up Why Lauren and I will get along so well when I kidnap her. If people get corny on me I beat them up, it's just a law that I live by.

9. Do you think you can just call somebody a tool in LA?!? Only if you do it to Spencer.

10. You don't chose who you love. It's true, I didn't chose to fall in love with Lauren. Hell, I didn't even chose to watch The Hills all day. Seemed kinda fruity to me. But some things are just destiny. This is one of those things.