Has Anyone Ever Liked a Column by Rick Reilly?

If you feel like you haven't been pissed off at somebody in a while, and just miss the feeling of unequaled rage, read one of Rick Reilly's columns on espn.com. Reilly has been writting for Sports Illustrated and espn.com for as long as I can remember, but I'm not sure that he knows that he is writting to an audience of almost entirely sports fans. His most recent column outlines how dangerous of a place an NFL stadium is, and makes a few suggestions what not to do when attending a pro football game...

• Don't wear a jersey, ever. In January of this year, two men wearing Philadelphia Eagles jerseys attacked a woman wearing a Tony Romo jersey outside a convenience store in Bethlehem. So much for peace on Earth.

• Don't bring a sign. Last year, at a Patriots-Jets game in New Jersey, Michelle Munoz's 14-year-old daughter held up an "I Love Tom Brady" sign. Munoz was then allegedly kicked, punched and thrown over a row of bleacher seats. And the Jets were ahead.
• Don't sit up high. If you sit up high at an NFL game, more than your nose might bleed. Instead, pay through the nose and sit low, where the generally sober people are. (Exception to this rule: If you or your child is offended by the kind of language that would make a longshoreman blush, don't sit anywhere near Jets head coach Rex Ryan.)
• Don't get within an area code of the Oakland/San Diego game. This rivalry is to the NFL what Jennifer and Angelina are to the E! network. For a time, there were so many brawls at this game that the San Diego police installed a makeshift jail in the bowels of the stadium. Saved time.

And oh yeah, one more thing... he thinks we should get rid of the booze too.

There's an easy answer, of course, but it's the third rail nobody wants to touch: beer.
Without beer, the NFL would dry up and blow away. But how about stopping sales after halftime instead of the third quarter? How about opening up parking lots two hours before the game instead of four? How about telling the networks to stop showcasing single-brain-celled fans like Fireman Ed and Can't Feel My Face Shirtless Buffalo Guy, dolts who give the impression that this game is slightly more important than their next breath?

I take special exception to this, as my father and I had season tickets to the Buffalo Bills in the 300 sections since I was four years old. Going to the games are literally my favorite childhood memories. I remember the 1994 playoff game against the Raiders where it was 0 degrees out with a windchill of -32. My grandfather went to go get me nachos and hot chocolate to stay warm, but by the time he got back up to our seats it was cold chocolate and the nacho cheese was frozen. But it didn't matter because my childhood idol, Jim Kelly, lead the Bills to a late touchdown to beat the then Los Angeles Raiders 29-23.

And yeah, I was exposed to tailgaiting, heavy drinking and every curse word that existed when I was a kid Mostly because I was sitting with the rest of the fans who couldn't afford to sit in the lower seats. But I was also exposed to the best sports fans in the world. Buffalo is a very poor city and we LIVE through our sports teams, well honestly, because we don't have much else going for us. But there is something to be said about being around people who genuinely love something with everything they have. It's easy for me to say that I am a better person for having experienced both the highs and lows, in person.

Sure, I can see where Reilly is coming from in saying that fans should be passionate, but not criminal. I have been on the other side of things too. I  have had a knife pulled on me at a Jets game and told to 'Go home and fuck my goat.' But to condemn fans who wear jerseys, bring signs, sit in the cheap seats, go to rivalry games and hit the booze during games is a wide sweeping generalization. To remove the fans who provide the hostile environments in Oakland, Buffalo, Seattle and Cleveland would be to take away from kids today the memories of banging the metal bleacher seats as loud as you can on third down, showing up to school on Mondays with no voice from yelling the opposing team's quarterback's last name or sitting on their father's shoulders to be able to see his favorite players squeak one out in the fourth.

But I guess what it boils down to is that you can protect your kid, or you can let him play in the dirt and build up his immune system. Sure, every once in a while he will catch a cold from a bad experience. But much more often than not, he will gain memories and experiences that he will stay with him forever. And if you want to go to Reilly's ideal stadium, try going to a Patriots game. Pretty sure they serve tea, crumpettes and tuna tartar at Foxboro.

Okay enough serious talk, back to our regularly scheduled hilarious programming.