Hey, Do You Have 34 Spare Minutes to Watch a Music Video???

Ummm so there are 2072 seconds in Kanye's new full length film Runaway and I'm not sure I understood a single one of them. Quick recap for those of you don't have time to watch the whole thing, some kind of hot bird falls from the sky and Kanye tells her not to believe anything she hears on the news. He keeps a sheep, a deer and some turkeys in his back yard. Then he takes her to a place where there is a marching band, a float of Michael Jackson and a bunch of Klan members. Cut to a scene where she can't pick up a tea cup, okay now to a dinner party where an entire table of like 50 black people are being served by white people. Somebody points out that he is dating a bird so he walks away dejected and starts playing the piano. Then a bunch of ballerinas come into the picture, one of which looks like Steffi Graf. Kanye dances awkwardly on top of the piano as he watches the ballerinas. Then they bring out the main course to the dinner party and its a turkey and the bird lady freaks out. Now back to the sheep and the deer. Then the bird lady asks where statues come from, and she tells Kanye that they are phoenix turned to stone, and that if she doesn't burn she'll turn to stone. Kanye tells her that he'll never let her burn. Kanye wakes up and the sexy bird lady is gone, so he starts running. Now she's flying, it looks ridiculous and now she has a gold breast plate on. She shoots up into the sky in flames..... And that's it. This is actually what happens. There isn't anything else to explain what the hell I just watched.

In conclusion, Selita Ebanks, holla atcha boy! I'm not exactly sure how the whole bird-human combo thing works, especially since it appears you may not have a vagina. But they invented blowies for a reason, I'm sure we can work something out. And if you fall from the sky and I find you, I'll at least hook you up with some threads and some nail trimmers before taking you to a dinner party. And we never have to eat turkey. We can just go down to the pizza store below our new apartment and smash slices every meal. It wouldn't be that hard for me as Little Roma's has made just about all the food I've had for the last 3 weeks. Just doing my part to keep a roof over my boy Jose's head at night, because the pizza isn't all that great.

PS- Pattyshack and JSmiles, czech it out. The whole thing was shot in Prague.