You Know What Makes No Sense?

Pole Dancing. That's what. How the fuck do girls do that shit? I'm not in horrible shape, but I think I could maybe hold myself up on a pole for about .4 seconds. Real talk. Then this broad has the nerve to wave that ninja sword around and throw it up and catch it and shit? Honey, I just watched hold yourself up on a pole with your pinkie, I realize you could beat the shit out of me without the weapons. No need to prove you could slice me up too. I get it.

Ps- Marry me.

Oh You Fancy, Huh?

Wait, Hockey started? Who knew? How is this guy not in the NHL? Oh, because you don't use the toe of your stick to play hockey? I guess that makes sense...

PS- You can put the goalie on suicide watch along with all the Reds fans out there. That is about as embarrassing as it gets. I had about a 8.55 Goals Against Average in floor hockey intramurals, and I most definitely stop that shot.

Byron Scott is a Skinhead

Uh, Byron? Are you for serious with this tie? I'm not quite sure you are what Hitler had in mind when he came up with his whole Aryan Race thing. If I'm Omri Casspi I'm dropping 50 on the Cavs when I play them (He's the first NBA player from Israel, in case you didn't know).

I got a belly full of white dog crap and now you dump THIS shit on me?

(Yep, it's over.)

Ok first things first. This one isn't about Audrina. You're probably going to wish it was by the time I'm done.

Well this day got off to a smashing start. Hmm let's see. Wake up in my new cave of a room and check to see if it's 3 am, 730 am or 2 pm (it was 730) - check. Take a shower and get dressed - check. Make my ham and cheese sangwich - check. Check ESPN.com and BOOM hey guess what? Your favorite player on your favorite team just got traded! And guess what you got in return for him? (This is a fun game) A 3rd round draft pick. Awesome!!!!!!!! NO FUCKING CHECK!

Don't really know where to begin with this one. It's really not what I needed to start my Wednesday morning at this specific point in my life. Just body blow after body blow. Really just waiting for the knockout at this point.

Apparently Randy was becoming a bit of a clubhouse cancer over his whole contract situation. And we likely weren't going to sign him next year. Well let's play the game again - guess what? I don't give a shit! I tried explaining this to a friend today but it was a girl so she probably didn't really understand. I would take 12 games of an unhappy Randy Moss (after starting the season 3-1) and nothing next year EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK over losing him for the rest of the year but getting a 3rd round pick for next year. I guess you just have to say "oh it's all part of Belichick's plan" but motherfucker when does that start to get old? I mean call me crazy but I'm pretty sure Brandon Tate is not Randy Moss. Yes he's fast as shit but can he do this?

I think not. I'll miss ya bro. I'll be the one at the bar in the Straight Cash Homie shirt, pourin one out.

I Guess That Was a Good First Playoff Game

Well, I guess not so much for the Cincinnati Reds. Doc Halladay more or less wasted 12 years of his prime pitching in the duldrums of Toronto (Yeah, yeah, Buffalo is really close to Canada. Tell me one I haven't heard) and you gotta feel good for the guy. But the Reds haven't been in the playoffs since 1995. If your a fan of a team that hasn't been to the playoffs in 15 years, and then they become the first team not to record a hit in a playoff game since Don Larson threw a no-hitter in the 1956 World Series, I think you either have to kill yourself or just stop being a fan of that team right then and there.

The Bills haven't made the playoffs since '99, and if they come out in their next playoff game (God willing we have one) and record 0 yards or some bull, I'll probably either kill myself or just start being a big Sabres fan. Seriously, the Bills and football were my first love before my first love and I would drop them like the bad habit they are. Next shot you take, make it out to the Cincinnati Reds fans out there. Gotta be a tough night.

Well Greg Oden Has At Least One Thing on Amare

So Amare Stoudemire is in ESPN's yearly The Body Issue blah blah blah blah HOLY SHIT he has a small dick for a 6'11" black man. No homo. No racist either. That's gotta be a tuck job right? Because there's no way that's anatomically correct. For his sake I hope it's a tucker. If not he can always invest package enhancing boxers. Shits are like the wonderbras for men.

Btw, I would still trade my life for Amare's even if his hang down doesn't hang down very far. The guy gets paid $100 mil  to play basketball in New York. And he definitely still pulls better tail than me. Well, pulling any tail would be pulling more than me these days.

Peace Beastmode

Even if he is a Seahawk, this is always going to be my favorite youtube video

I hope Marshawn loves the ambiance and the decor in Seattle. I always liked the dude. He was funny as hell, ran over Canadians and a whole bunch of defenders. But that certainly turned out to be Marshawn's downfall, that he'd rather run through a defender than run where the play was designed to go. It's been a joke for the last two or so years that he couldn't hit the right hole if a girl put him in it herself. Hope we see more of C.J. Biller now.

But without further ado, more of my favorite Marshawn videos.

I'm lookin' like a black Brett Favre


Tom Bardy, you think that dude gets hyphy?
WHAT? YEEEEAH!! You don't see the way he play? He Hyphy all the way!

I Feelya Dawg

Dog Vs Bride - Watch more Funny Videos

For those of you who know me well enough, you know where I'm going with this post. My blackout move is to piss somewhere that is not a toilet. I've pissed in the corner of a hotel room while my girlfriend at the time tried to keep my pants up, in a dryer that had my RA's clothes in it, I've gotten out of bed, turned around and pissed on my bed (don't worry I went to the bathroom to wash my hands off after that one), I've pissed in the kitchen of our vacation house for spring break in Jamaica, on my desk on the last day of college as my Mom was trying to wake me up to go to work, and several times on the bathroom floor. So clearly this dog just spent a little too much time at the open bar and thought the bitch in white was a birch tree or something.

I'd Like to See the Camera After This Picture

Alright this pic has been all over the place today, and yes, the ball goes right into the camera. But check the guy with the cigar on the right... That guy has to be related to Gy, right?

Rachel Bilson is My #2

And if it were not a rule that I have to have a blonde as my #1, she would probably dethrone Carrie Underwood. Can you believe I used to think Mischa Barton was better looking when The OC came out? I mean have you seen Mischa lately? Way too ugly to be posted here. I need to go back to the Summer of '03 and convince my 16 year old dick that Rachel Bilson was the way to go. I feel like it really might have changed the course of my life. Like if I grew up a brunette guy, who knows, maybe I grow up to be a professional football player or an astronaut or at least some kind of job.

Sorry about the stacked pics, I don't know how to move pics around on the new formatting shit they got on here... But all of these made me weak in the knees and strong in, well, other places